Hot Chocolate

My dear ones,

Today I had a ‘morning’, a strong one, well it just didn’t go the way I expect it to be. But I didn’t beat myself up for it. In fact I received a lot of love. Yes, I was worrying about paying my rent, since all the checks will come in September. And I rather don’t want to touch my ‘birthday’ money. But that’s okay. I have a beautiful apartment, loving parents, I am blessed, it’s all good.

I made it good. Yes, it can be very uncertain in life, but than again, today I thought I will have something for certain and I didn’t get it. So, why am I chasing again for that ‘certainty’ if life it’s self, is not in my hands.

I worked on my future project and in the evening I wanted to relax and go for a walk with my sister. Without my phone, just go and have something simple. I put faith into action. And you know what, whatever will happen, I at least enjoyed my evening today. I had a nice hot chocolate at Ghirardelli, it was very tasty and I felt at peace. Beautiful view at Hollywood bvld, lovely view of how they made other desserts, mmm.

Beautiful evening. I accept this life, whether I will get it or not, regardless of any result, I will celebrate life. And I did. Why wait for something to happen? I create it, I enjoy it. I’l do this more often, take my moment, my lovely evening.

Love you, take care and indulge.

Count your blessings

I would like to say certain things to you which I can’t verbally, so I hope you will understand when I’m writing this to you:

You run after people who never give you acknowledgement and neglect those who truly respects you. For example: Everyone at your work is dying for your new recipe, they love your cooking, one of the world’s leading company and CEO has given YOU acknowledgement, but instead you are investing time and running after those who don’t care.

You have two beautiful well mannered, intelligent daughters who are pursuing their dreams at the entertainment capitol of the WORLD, but again you are running after people who don’t ever utter these words that your good.

You have a friend/husband who you can call 24/7 who is a great dad for your children, you have seen the world with that person, you can laugh with that person and he always says how beautiful you are and you have a beautiful skin color, beautiful figure, but AGAIN you are running after people who never acknowledged you.

Whatever someones decision is, whether that person wants to give you less and the other more, YOU have NO right to say: ‘but why does person x get more and always gets more and I don’t’.  That is not up to YOU to ask that, that is kismet and than your basically asking GOD/UNIVERSE that all the blessings you got is nothing, because you want to have what the other has. STOP COMPARING. AND START COUNTING your OWN BLESSINGS.

With all do respect but you are being ungrateful. You often say that to me, when I am only focusing on the ‘bad’ side of things, while I have so many Good things in my life. It is TIME that you need to count YOUR BLESSINGS.

AND I will tell you what you told ME: if you keep going after those people and you keep asking for their approval than at the end with a lot of pain you will be granted your wish. But keep in mind that the chance of getting yourself back together and that people at work wants to see YOUR recipes will STOP and those blessings that you were supposed to get will go to someone else, because you decided to go against your destiny. You will regret it after you have ‘received’ your wish. And you will realize that what you wanted was NOT what you needed.

Also I would like to say at last. You are asking to do the IMPOSSIBLE, which is making someone to give you acknowledgement, you are ASKING to CHANGE the person and you have tried it for so many years. You can keep trying dear, but by doing this Impossible act, you will make EVERYTHING else NOT possible.

You are not giving up, you are letting go. Focus on your own journey, count your own blessings, than you will see wonders. Can it really be that simple? Yes, it all starts by shifting your focus which you kept postponing for 50 years, start with what YOU want. Everybody has their own goal, own family, start focusing on YOU. And they will come back. They always come back, but do you still want it then?

It’s in your hands. You can keep holding on of what you have been doing for so long or you can make a change, right here right now, decision is yours.

It can be that simple

I took this weekend off, relaxed, ate lots of brownies. Yes, I had some anxiety about certain things. But I just cleaned the house and before that my mom called. It was a relief to express my feelings.

I watched Master Chef India and indulged myself into brownies and watching delicious dishes being made. A huge relief.

This moment, today is what I have and we’ll see what happens tomorrow, it doesn’t matter, I still have my loving family and sister and that’s beautiful. And I have God. All is well.

It’s all going to be fine, it’s okay. There is always a solution. I can only do my best. We’ll see and celebrate the moment, regardless of anything.

It’s all good, my luck have changed, because my mentality has changed. I am more caring and kind. I have a strategy and everything is a tool, to get to my destination, closer to God. What didn’t work for me before is working for me now, but by letting go and being in the present. Enjoying the simple things in life. It’s so simple, that I thought, ‘Can it really be that simple?’ Yes, it can!

I’m going to eat now, have a beautiful Sunday evening, take care and hugs to your family! xxx

Rather be alone, than being sick together

Good night my sweet cupcakes!

One thing I would like to say is that I have eliminated all those people who tried to dim my light. I don’t look at others and I don’t think of others, I simply focus on myself.

I don’t have to ‘struggle’ hard to get the beautiful things in life. I’m sorry, but that is not the criteria to success. There are a lot of people in this world who whistle and suddenly are millionaires, no struggle there. By the way every single person on earth faces the same kind of emotions, but others are very good in controlling it and take responsibility for their actions and others complain and put other people down, because they cannot reach there themselves.

This life can be easy or difficult, that is up to me. I have chosen now for an easy life. Yes I was born with luxury and wanted to make my own name, create something myself and went to LA. That is a good thing. But I am very happy I got that privilege of my parents. My parent’s support.

Those 2 specific people in my life, who had an influence in my life, I let them influence me, but not anymore. Those 2 people, they put me down like hell and now I see that they wanted to be ME. They wanted EVERYTHING what I had. But because they couldn’t at least that’s what they thought, it was easier for them to put me down, I suddenly hated myself and thought that I also have to ‘struggle’, I have to face the fact that I don’t have money, and go through that loophole. I did and it was horrible, NEVER AGAIN. I am blessed with what I have and I will NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER do that to myself again. I am so blessed with what I have. My sister and me, the financial wealth we have, Praise the lord. Lord have mercy. OMG, I won’t go to their level, I will maintain my patience. I did and time told them the truth. And time told me the truth. EVERYTHING that I have and got so far, is a huge blessing. I am a worthy person.

I rather be alone and have no ‘friends’ than to be with someone who I truly loved, who constantly tries to put me down. NO, I rather be alone, than being sick together.

I made this commitment exactly a year ago and I have stuck to it. NO intentions of changing it. If someone comes along who has mutual respect, that’s something else. But till this time, I thank God for what I have right now, I thank God for opening my eyes and I thank God for giving me this life, this body, this soul. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Best Blessing

I just read:

Sometimes our best blessing comes from the worst situation in life

True. Every ‘bad’ thing that happened had a blessing in disguise. I am grateful for everything. Living my life and doing my best.

Every single thing that happened to me so far, was imperative for my growth. Now I can see that and understand it. I am happy and thank you God, you know everything. You know it. Who am I to deny you. You know what’s good for me.

I realize more and more how blessed I am and I hung out with people who wanted to take away my shine. But I have compassion for them, they didn’t have the privilege that I have. It’s okay. It really is.

I am back and I got everything back. I got my life back. And if it weren’t for those struggles, that pain, that heart break, I would always wonder. But now I know for sure, I am grateful for every single thing I have. Every single thing. I am grateful for my ambition, I am grateful that I have loving parents, grateful that I have a loving sister. And grateful that I am myself. Being me is cool and great. I love being me. I love it.

Thank you so much, thank you. Have a great evening and I thing I will buy chocolate :)

I had a dream

I had a dream, a magnificent one. I saw a blue lion, with big shiny hair. The hair was so big and shining bright, with blue sparkles. It was so big and I was in awe. I was mesmerized, completely mesmerized by this. I didn’t know what it was.

It is a totem. And 2 days later, I found out that it was none other than me. Yes, in the commercial shooting, I was wearing blue and I was sprinkled with blue glitter. My hair was shining bright and like a lion, I was moving with my hair left and right.

Very beautiful, very blessed.

I am a valuable human being. I realize that now. I take care of my health now more than ever. I appreciate myself and I am kind to myself. I won’t let myself down and put myself down anymore.

I put all the focus on myself and I am grateful for everything that God has given me.

It is destiny.

Power of hiking

Within 6 months time, I turned it around. Boom! Unbelievable. First I didn’t know how to and now I know, at least getting 100 times closer than when I focused on someone else and wanted something else.

The power of hiking. I hike and I try to do it 3/4 times a week and make sure I dance at least 2 times a week. That is a must. It shakes all the ‘stress’, ‘pressure’ of my chest. Now I am again at the top of the mountain. I walked, it’s becoming easier and easier, I will run one day to the top, but for now I’m comfortable walking. My best friends are you, God and myself. My favorite things are trying out new restaurants, getting good food ;)

I enjoy the simplest things in life now. It’s going well and I’m grateful for everything. I shook it off and do my work. If I don’t hike and don’t exercise, I become depressed, it really is that simple. Otherwise I am too much in my head, if I don’t go ‘out’ and exercise. It is a must, it’s like drinking water. Simple.

It’s amazing I get to do what I want to do. I finally have a solid strategy and I’m hitting my goals. I’m grateful for that. Awesome. I feel American, it was always in me, this positive energy, love it. I only focus on the good parts and don’t feed the negative or things that aren’t going well. I mean this is earth, so there always will be some kind of ‘issues’. But if I make the fun stuff positive, the nice stuff that are happening it will outdo the negative and I will generate positive energy.

It’s all about being grateful for what I have already.

Just had an epiphany NOW I get it. Whatever happens, it’s the fun and good stuff that counts, I have to make that bigger. And above all don’t feed any insecurities to anyone. Don’t cal about it, not anything. It’s my thing. My responsibility. The less I talk, the more I do. It’s challenging, but I am extremely disciplined. I trust myself. I trust and that is the best feeling I can have. Just trust it will all workout well eventually. It did and always had.

Boom!

Feeling happy, keep it to myself, just expressing in doing it, such as hiking,dancing and being KIND.

Balance it

Hi dear ones,

We’re entering the weekend, what a relief. I had a beautiful 3 days commercial shooting with an absolute wonderful production. I miss them and I hope I will work with them soon again. My intuition is saying that it is not a final goodbye. I’m sure I will see them again.

I am very happy and blessed that I got to meet such nice people. I know I get who I am. I made myself into a kind person. There are still things to be learned, but that’s okay, I am a human, not perfect. Today I had some ‘issues’ with my agent, but I realize I have a beautiful life, loving parents and sister. I came with nothing, got everything on my own, with my parents support. So nothing to lose.

I can only do my best. I’ve also seen that the people on top, director, producer, Ceo’s they are very happy with their lives, and they don’t make a fuss about things that easily. They are happy and content and give to others. I am learning to still be kind and give feedback on the spot. I’m definitely getting there :)

And with some people I don’t want to argue with, it’s pointless. Having said that, I am happy that it is weekend. I am not going to check my e-mail this weekend, I’ll safe it for Monday morning. I’ll take my weekend and have fun and let things be for what it is. I have learned that the hard way. This is earth and not after life, so these things always come and go, I only have control over my actions. So I’m going to live life to the fullest, celebrate regardless of anything.

It’s all good, there is always a solution for everything. When I didn’t have the bookings I cried and when I have it, other things pop up. I am not going to define my happiness by other people’s standards, or circumstances. I’ll take my responsibility for my own happiness and have fun. You never know what will happen, good or bad, I’ll take my moment.

Be so good that they cannot deny you.

Have a great night, rest well and enjoy this beautiful weekend!

Dreams do come true

I really feel like I am dreaming, but this is the truth, I am awake and finally living the life. Or actually finally SEEING all the blessings that God has given me. Thank you God so much. Thank you for everything I have gotten in my life.

It all changed because I let go of that one thing which was holding me back for so long. That one person, trying to get that. Because I went for the impossible, changing a person, I made EVERYTHING else not possible. I won’t do that again, not ever.

I love this life and I am very grateful for everything I have right now. I finally have a beautiful, peaceful apartment and I feel inner peace. Yes, I am really happy and thank you so much.

Thank you for this life, simple but so beautiful. The simple things count. Those are the most beautiful things.

Love you, love you love you. Keep creating, now I am going to eat some food, came back late from work. Mmmm goodnight my loves!

Don’t beat yourself up

Hi sweet cakes!

Okay, today it is officially confirmed for me that I should not beat myself up for the things that went wrong. I can endlessly blame myself or others, endlessly tell myself how I did something wrong and how I could have rectified it. It is nonsense and waste of energy. Because just when I wanted to rectify something from last week, the opportunity was gone. I mean I learned from it, but that was it. I probably had to learn to deal with my reaction. I really have to learn that.

I have to learn that not Everything goes perfect. I am a human being and I make mistakes too. That is okay! It’s all good. It really is all good.

Yes, I can do my best, try thing, persevere, but everything happens for a reason, the good, the bad. It’s all for a big reason, something beyond my control. I can only do my best, learn and have fun!

Lots of love!